


Murder on the Murder on the Orient Express Express

by misura



Category: Psych
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 17:51:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7448476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trains, clue cards and dead bodies!* </p>
<p>(* Well, one train. And Shawn threw away his clue card. And the dead body's just an actor. But otherwise, this is a totally accurate summary.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Murder on the Murder on the Orient Express Express

**Author's Note:**

  * For [perdiccas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/perdiccas/gifts).



"Gus, they gave us _clue cards_ ," Shawn said, his tone suggestive of that of a man who had just seen an eldritch horror risen from the sea - Gus mentally filed it away as a code-six ('may require additional bribery to stick around and more or less behave', except that, of course, their being on a moving train somewhat reduced the odds of Shawn simply taking off in search of something more entertaining and/or interesting to do). "What kind of murder case involves _clue cards_?"

"It's not a case, Shawn. It's a murder mystery." The reviews had been fairly positive - three-and-a-half out of five stars, but of course most of the reviewers had been normal people.

Further research had shown that there were seven possible story lines, which was to say: one for each suspect, which was to say: a one-in-seven chance of getting the murderer right through a random guess.

"Given that there's been neither a murder nor any kind of mystery, I find that term to be a bit of a misnomer, don't you?"

Gus considered the pros and cons of reminding Shawn of the murder scene they'd all witnessed on Day One, just after dinner. "Mine says that there's several pieces of silverware missing from the buffet car. I think that's a pretty solid lead right there."

"Probably just a red herring." Shawn gestured dismissively. "The cook's actor's an understudy - totally inexperienced, terrible actor. So's the Baroness's _and_ the butler's."

Gus had thought the Baroness rather delightful. She'd seemed to return the feeling, which suggested that she also had excellent taste. "You mean to tell me half of the actors on board this train are actually understudies?" He didn't ask: _how would you know?_ Shawn's vanity didn't need the boost and anyway, now that he thought about it, Gus _had_ noticed something a little off about the cook. And the butler.

Shawn shrugged. "Maybe the original ones were all hired away."

"Or maybe they were murdered." Gus waggled his eyebrows. "I've heard actors can get pretty competitive."

"First of all, don't make that face. It's a terrible face. Second - come on, Gus. It's 'Murder on Totally Not the Orient Express', not 'Successful TV-show About Solving Murders Via Special Powers'."

" _Fake_ special powers," Gus said.

"Fake, schmake. The point is, who'd murder someone for a shot at getting to pretend to be a poison-loving, cinnamon-addicted father of five whose wife eloped with a cowboy? I mean, seriously?"

"Four, not five. Thyme's actually adopted, only he doesn't know, because his wife was pretending to be on a vacation in France that one time. And I _liked_ that backstory. It was very touching."

"You have terrible taste in backstories," Shawn said. "Also: sheesh, Gus. Spoiler alert! But, fine. Let's go count the silverware."

Gus shook his head. "I told you what was on my clue card, now tell me what was on yours."

"I threw it away," Shawn said. "It was stupid."

"So you read it first."

"Well, unlike _some_ people, maybe I planned to actually approach this with an open mind, without checking out everyone's secrets on-line first."

Gus had seen the browser history. "No, you didn't."

"I could have," Shawn said.

Gus decided that it would be unkind to say, _Not really_ , even though it would be true. "Fine. So you don't want to win this game? That's just fine, Shawn. Guess I'll just have to find someone else to be partners with. You see, Shawn, I, unlike you, do want to win this game."

Annoying Shawn was probably not the best way to do that, but enough was enough, and an idle threat was an idle threat.

"You know what I think we need?" Shawn asked. "Dinner. _And_ a little perspective and common sense, but for now, let's try dinner."

"Fine. I can do dinner. _And_ those other things."

"You can count the silverware while you're at it," Shawn said.

 

(" _Again?_ " Gus asked, two hours and one satisfactory (three stars out of five) dinner later.)

("Actually, I think that guy's really dead," Shawn said. "Huh. That's a twist I didn't see coming.")

("You mean dead as in murder-dead?" Gus had not signed up to be stuck on a train with a murderer. Or, well, he had, but not a 'killing people dead' kind of murderer.)

("Gus, that's not a word," Shawn said.)


End file.
